Starting in 2012 and going forward, I decided to give myself permission to go on and go.
How did I come to this conclusion?
Last summer I had an epiphany that I was a middle aged woman. I had to laugh because the picture I had in my mind of who that woman was, did not resemble me! When I shared this with my dad, or “G” (short for G-Dad), as we so fondly call him, he simply stated, “Yea Zo, I guess you are.”
My recognition of that reality and my dad’s confirmation of that reality rang in my ear for the rest of the summer.
I am in the middle – the middle of my life, the middle of my career, the middle of my journey.
As the oldest of three girls, I have never been in the middle before so it was hard trying to relate. (S/O to all of the middle sisters in the world, including mine!)
This sudden realization of my median position ignited a pilot light in me! Call it middle age crisis or call it what you want, all I knew was that I needed to do something before my time was up!
As I consider the timeline of my life, I cannot go back and redo anything. But I can go forward…wait a minute…
What if I decided to go forward a little differently than I had in the first half of my timeline?
What would happen if I pushed all of my energy forward?
What would happen if I interrupted my life with a new trajectory?
Confession: I was a dreamer who was always afraid that my dreams would turn into nightmares and haunt me. I had ideas, I mean great big ideas, but I wasn’t able to see them as reality. I contemplated, walked with trepidation, analyzed, and second guessed myself out of believing that I had worthy ideas and dreams.
There was something about being in the middle that compelled me to engage my ideas and dreams and push them forward.
I decided to do something about it.
I thought writing a blog would be easy because I’ve kept a journal since I was 15 years old. You would be cracking up at how many times I backed up, scratched out, and deleted my words. I wanted the words to flow easy like they did in my head. They didn’t when I wanted them to at first. Only at the most inopportune time which turned out to be the best time. The pilot light was lit so I had to go.
Not only did GoneGirlGo surface because of my middle condition, but because of the current condition of many women that I knew.
I have witnessed how we have walked with trepidation, ignored our calling, gave others the power to talk us out of our dreams, second-guessed ourselves, downplayed our strengths, and kept ourselves constricted and confined to our own little box.
I was not created to live by default, but that’s how I was living because I refused to step out of my box.
GoneGirlGo was actually born on Facebook.
I stumbled upon this concept that has become an internal proclamation of freedom, a declaration of independence, a statement of progress, and a call of forward movement.
Whenever I read a female’s post that seemed to be a cry for forward movement, I would respond “Gone girl go!” I thought, “Wait a minute! That means something and I’ve got to do something with it!”
Because I had this habit of thinking a lot, and not moving forward with my thoughts, I was in new territory.
My mind started with that negative self-talk again. Would I fail? I’m not ready. That’s just stupid. Who cares anyway?
Nope! I wasn’t giving in to it this time. I remembered my middle position and pushed forward.
The first step that I took was to share my thoughts with a few close friends. I was shocked when as soon as I said it, they got it. They understood immediately what I was talking about. They encouraged me to explore the concept, so I had to move.
During this time, another fascinating thing was happening to me. I was being surrounded by other women whose pilot light was ignited as well. I got a chance to see firsthand what happens to a woman when she pushes forward, engages her ideas, and lives her dreams. Again, I had to move.
To organize my thoughts, I created this mind map. It was rough, but from it I was able to see what GoneGirlGo was about.
Then I started drafting the blog. This rough sketch of the mind map and blog sat on my nightstand for about 3 weeks. It ended up on the floor at some point and stayed there for another week. I finally put it in my bag to take to work where it sat for 2 more weeks.
When I pulled it out again, I said “Go. What are you waiting for?”
The mind map got dolled up in Visio.
With some tweaks here and a few more edits there, it was good and I was determined to finish this blog.
The four components GoneGirGo that I will focus on are:
1. Define your own forward movement
2. Refuse to live by default
3. Push against self-imposed limits
4. Be a reformed procrastinator
I’m not sure how this will unfold, but I am excited about pushing it out there. So stay tuned! I will use this blog as an accountability tool to let you know of my progress pushing forward. This should be fun but hard! Y’all with me…let’s go!