Black and Married with Kids posted an article on FB a while ago about divorce parties.
Broken families and broken homes are no reasons to celebrate. Divorce is awful.
Trust me, I know. I recently stood before a judge to finalize my own. It absolutely breaks my heart – the effect of divorce on my family, but I won’t lie.
A part of me wants to celebrate freedom from every tear I’ve shed over the years.
I even thought about having a divorce party.
Nothing extravagant like the parties described in the Black and Married with Kids article. Maybe a little soiree with family and a few close friends to celebrate a life free from broken promises, shattered dreams, and neverending chaos.
Why shouldn’t I celebrate that?!?
I won’t though. I’ll celebrate internally — smiling and jumping for joy, not the end of my marriage, but something way more important!
I’d like you to consider this celebration too if you’re going through a divorce, are done mourning your loss (it does have to end at some point), and on your way to recovery.
Discover exactly who you want to be.
I always knew I wanted my life to be more than a routine, 9-5 experience. Years before the divorce, I didn’t have an idea what I wanted to do, let alone how to do it.
Once I started blogging, it hit me. I wanted to help others blog. Although I lacked knowledge, skills, and confidence. I decided to invest in learning how to become a writing coach.
I participated in a couple of intensive programs to learn about starting a business, marketing, etc. I began to subscribe to websites, other blogs, and podcasts for insight. I stretched myself to share my ideas with others. As a result, I became a little more courageous.
Pinpointing my life’s work has been liberating. But I had to recover first so I could see clearly the woman I wanted to be. There’s nothing like knowing my boundaries, having expectations, and aligning my actions with my purpose. All helping me become even more courageous.
Something worth celebrating, wouldn’t you agree?
No matter what your situation, divorce is hard. Real hard.
The work divorcees must do to recover is absolutely depleting. When the recovery is said and done and you’ve gotten back yourself, it’s natural to want to celebrate.
But don’t forget the true celebration begins when you discover exactly who you want to be.
What’s your take on this post? Do you believe in celebrating the end of a marriage or freedom to begin anew? What are some ways that divorcees can celebrate? If you are a divorcee or someone close to a divorcee, grab your journal and write a personal reflection. Email me if you want to have a private exchange. Or if you want to share your reflection with the community, leave a comment or two below.
I love this Zoe. Please continue to share even more of your refreshing journey with us.
Getting a divorce was one of the toughest experiences of my existence, completely heartbreaking.
Thank you for empowering and enlightening us with your truth. Thank you for celebrating something so worth celebrating, you.
Thanks Terre for your encouraging feedback. Sometimes sharing personal experience is risky, but I believe in the power of testimony! My prayer has always been for my platform to be the conduit for someone else’s transformation. 🙏🏾
I got divorced July 2016. There was so much anguish that I endured in the marriage and divorce. I did celebrate internally. I was encouraged to look back on every moment, phase, milestone that I survived… and acknowledge myself. Acknowledge that I did not quit (which was a real thing) and that I chose to keep going. So yes, no party, but definitely celebrating my freedom and a fresh new season of life.
Acknowledge, accept, appreciate, hug, love yourself! That’s a celebration, girl! Thanks for commenting and I can’t wait to chat. Keep going and going…#gonegirlgo
Wow! Zoe! Your blog is expertly written. I’m glad that you focused on you and how you discovered writing. I’m sorry how the discovery of “self motivation” occurred but look how you are blessing others by sharing your experience and telling others who are experiencing the same or have already went through a divorce themselves. You have motivated them to look beyond pity parties and to look toward a new future starring themselves! God bless you and keep writing your very motivational and excellent blogs!
Thank you! Writing has been my soul’s balm since I was 15. I always say that it has saved me. There’s nothing to apologize for! I am better because of my life – including my marriage and divorce. I don’t have any regrets, despite the fact that it was hard! Pity parties are for the birds – once we realize that, we can celebrate for real. Bless!
Thank you Z for sharing your journey through the fog of divorce. As I enter that same haze of questions and emotions, I feel blessed that at the moment I dont feel much attachment to my recent past. Ive seen God working and he has a plan for my life even in the midst of the fog. I believe celebration should only take place at the conclusion of a destructive relationship and the beginning of a new life has began.
Wait, what!?!? O no, say it aint so. I don’t know what to say. All I can do is pray that all turns out well.
Beautiful and uplifting . Zoe thank you for sharing your journey and encouraging words.
Awwww Pat! Thank you so much for reading and your kind words. They mean a lot.
Zoe, as I sit even now and reflect on my divorce, yes the broken promises, the lies and deception, it took me awhile to understand the freedom in being released from a person who started with me however wasn’t designed to finish with me. I have had to really lean on my faith in the Father for strength, hope, and the courage to move on and trust Him through it all. I still at times struggle with the situation, but with everyday the struggle gets easier, um the reality of that strikes me everyday….
I know those moments. One minute your fine and the next, a mess. When you have to force yourself out of the bed. When you get so pissed off you could spit or throw something, or beat somebody’s a$$. Those moments will end if you let them. When I decided that my pity party was over with all the sadness and the heartache, I started to come alive again. Thank God we have him to lean on while we have those moments. And thank God we have him when we don’t have moments, but joy. Take care, girl and thank you so much for reading and connecting. I remember way back in the day, in high school, another time and place, we were a trip LOL!
#metoo.
I feel the same way about what is the real celebration. Love this. Thanks for your post Zoe.
So glad to hear that Kelly! It’s hard, but also feels good to start anew. Whatever happened with your friend? Did she figure stuff out?
Hello Zoe thanx for your inspirational words. I appreciate your testimony to what is a journey. U’ve always been an interesting conversationalist. I encourage U to continue your great work; U definitely have my attention!
Hey Michelle – thank you for your kind words!! I really appreciate them. Make sure you subscribe so you’re on my list to receive regular emails. Take care!
Thank you for sharing this article and your thoughts on this subject. You brought an enlightening perspective.
Thanks for commenting, Tenisha!